mschatelaine | Bottled out (Reply)

This afternoon I picked up an eyeliner that I'd had recommended to me, (Collection 2000 from Boots) and I was playing with it this evening and with a lipstick I'd got at the same time. So eventually I was fully made up and I changed into female jeans and put on a pair of court shoes and that was me changed, because I'd been wearing female underwear all day as is now my habit.

So I'm happily cooking, eat my supper, and so on, and I'm going out to meet my friends, who all know about me. I could go out as Elaine, couldn't I? But my courage failed. I washed my makeup off and put on male jeans, shirt and shoes.

I was actually more comfortable that way as it turns out because I met G on the underground. G has been a drinking buddy in the past but we're on cool terms now because of a disagreement over a lady (he got territorial and I felt that she should get to say who asked her out) and I haven't come out to him, and he might not have picked up about me on the grapevine. I'm still nervous about meeting people as Elaine without some prearranged support or safe space. I prefer to warn people in advance and get a read on whether the reception will be benign or hostile.

Aoife turned up later in the evening and I got to show her the perfume I was still wearing; Mediterranean, by Elizabeth Arden, that I got in a goodie bag. I really like the scent; I'm not up on the ins and outs of perfumes, but I think it suits me. She was interested in whether I'd been wearing the clothes that I'd bought on the shopping trip with her and Helena. I haven't been keeping up my diary, I'll have to put in a retrospective about going out with

banhe for tea, which was my first outing with those clothes.

What the hell, I'm here now. The time was Sunday before last,

banhe offered comfort in a time of severe stress and so I texted agreement in my dressing gown and arranged to meet her for lunch an hour later. I got a shower, shaved my face and chest, made myself up and put on the top and jeans that I'd got on that shopping trip along with the purple sandals I'd got the weekend of the Violate outing. Put my wallet, phone, lipstick, keys and glasses (mistake without a case - they got scratched to hell by my keys) in my handbag and put my fancy camera and extra lens into a leopard-print tote bag that I got in the same free gift as the perfume I'm wearing now.

I'm happy to say I was only ten minutes late getting round to

banhe's and we went to the Tchai Ovna tea house in the west end for lunch, tea and conversation. We spent several hours in pleasant camera geekery and in discussion of sailing ships, sealing wax, cabbages and kings, over several pots of their excellent tea and bowls of their delicious soup. I didn't get even a sidelong look from anyone, unless there was a flirty one by one of the staff girls.

We then went to another cafe which is also a second-hand bookshop, Biblio-something, on the main roundabout on Woodlands Road. This was a new place to me and I think a lovely idea and the lady who runs it is a gem. A greeting involves a five-minute conversation, in which you will hear the ins and outs of everything that she is dealing with at that moment, from obnoxious customers to the shortcomings of her boyfriend. Her reception of me ... "Nice bag!" we bought several books there, including the first three Thursday Next novels by Jasper Fforde.