(flashback) What have I done?

Last night I was quite desperately tired, and also desperately avoiding the tidying up that I had to do. I finished washing the dishes after midnight and sorted my clothes into neater bundles than their accustomed heaps this morning. This was after a nap of an hour and a half and much more procrastination.

All the time I have a dreadful feeling - what have I done?

But what I have done has been to change my relationships with most of my friends, not disastrously, but definitely. And I've decided on a path of action that will cause me distress, hardship and grief. I hope it's worth it in the end. I wonder if I'll see it through?