A was encouraging me this evening to go to her bash tomorrow (tonight) and I was reluctant, and I think that it is because I see it as committing myself to something that I am not ready to commit to. I'm still slowly coming out, and I'm bashful still, even in company of people I know.

One problem is, A will have friends from out of town, one of whom I fancy, even though this one's brought a boyfriend with her. I know my friends' promised reactions, although I haven't tested them, but this is a situation where I am going to have to face someone's re-evaluation on the spot, that I care about. The boyfriend doesn't matter, he's a stranger, he can deal or else face the wrath of A; it's her party and I'm her guest.

I'm going to go, but I am going to go early and bring makeup remover and male stuff with me, to retreat into.

Edit this morning

I have an appointment this morning in Boots for a skincare demonstration at the Elizabeth Arden stand, and although I'm skint and won't be buying anything today, I'll be going away with lots of hints and possibly some freebies. A and H will both be there this evening so my co-conspirators will be making sure that I don't look ridiculous. All of my friends who will be there are in the know.

This is really my stepping out. It's one thing to tell folk, but it's another to show them. I just have to remember that I can step back if I wish.

Very, very nervous.