mschatelaine: (Default)
2009-03-14 02:38 am

I'm getting waxed tomorrow and I'm really looking forward to it.

... and anyone who's ever been waxed is now saying ... What?!?

And I'd prefer that the stripping of hair from my body would not be necessary and I accept that it's incredibly painful.

But I end up free of hair. And it really makes a difference when you put on a pair of tights. And the shaving the chest thing, well really.

And here's the thing, I'm going in for this painful procedure that I'll have to get done next month and the month after that and the month after that. And I'll hopefully have tea with my friends after. Because I want femininity. I would be happiest being female.

But I don't have the courage to take it.

Between the above and now has been quite a while. it's nearly morning. I don't know what I want from being female and I don't know what kind of female I want to be but I'm sure that I want to be female.

I've just spent the last few hours rehearsing the scene where I tell my parents I haven't ever been comfortable as a male and I'm changing sex. And one of the things I have just realised is that the only person in my visualisations is myself. I'm making up my objections.

I'm still terrified. I'm going to tell them. I won't handle it well and neither will they, but I've got to. It's one of those things, I've made the decision that it's going to happen. I'll be really fucked up until I do, so it's going to have to be as soon as possible.

I'm getting over being very drunk, but I just scrawled 'Going to be a Woman' on my mirror in lipstick and took a photo of it. It's getting on for morning.