Nov. 21st, 2007 09:55 pm
mschatelaine: (Default)
Today I want for my third counselling session. This time I went as Elaine, with flared jeans, high heels, a pretty top, eye makeup, lipstick and a wig. The doctor's comment was that I seemed very comfortable, that I looked good, and that he was very pleased with my progress, as was the psychiatrist that I had seen a couple of months ago. I've lost nearly a stone in weight over the last three months, and I've been getting rid of issues that have stressed me one by one, so he agreed to the next step, which will be to start on hormones.

This will be a major step, but again, one that is reversible to an extent. I'm looking forward to it. I don't know if I'll ever transition fully, because my need to be a woman isn't so strong that I could give up my family or cause the upset that it would be guaranteed to, but I want to reshape my body to be more feminine. As well as having breasts and hips, I want to reduce my belly (diet and exercise) and the breadth of my chest and shoulders. That last is a lot harder to do, but aerobic exercise, along with the reduction in testosterone that I'll be experiencing, should go some way towards it.

My goal at the moment will be to reduce my masculine aspects and increase my feminine aspects, so that I can be a woman when I'm dressed as a woman and a man when I'm dressed as a man. If it comes about in a couple of years that I'm more settled as a woman than as a man, then I'll consider transition.

An interesting point was that my blood pressure, in a situation where I might be expected to be nervous, dressed as a woman for the first time in the counselling session, was much lower than it normally is, 115/80 where I'm usually about 140/90. I really am less stressed as Elaine.
mschatelaine: (Default)
So yesterday I went to the counsellor, who is pleased with my progress and with the fact that I have been doing a lot of thinking around the idea of changing sex. I have clearly firmed up in my ideas of what I want, and started making commitments, like telling my friends what I'm up to. I am to lose some weight, in order to avoid heart problems when I go on hormones, and have a psychiatric evaluation, but the doctor expects that I'll go on hormones in about six months. I expect that whether or not I do will depend on my success in losing weight, both improving my chances of keeping good health and demonstrating my commitment to my plan.

And yet, what is my plan? I'm happily spending money on buying female goodies and wardrobe and so on, and I've announced to my friends that I'm thinking about changing sex, but now and again I get hit with 'what am I doing?' and especially, 'what have I done?'

And now I've booked a leg wax and pedicure for the first weekend after I get paid next. That's a Violate night as well, maybe I'll go out then. I need a nice wig. I really need to start wearing my corset on a more regular basis.  I need wider hips to keep my jeans up, or possibly to tighten that belt on them. That'll come, now.

So I should get myself a ticket for High Tease, and give Emma a buzz to see what she's found for me to wear. 


mschatelaine: (Default)

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